An Offer You Better Not Refuse
...written on 2001-03-02, @ 00:52:13
Thu March 1, 2001
"Hey Fred, do you want this?" I asked as I offered him a sunny orange tangerine.
"No, thanks." he said, shaking his hand in deferral. I knew Fred hadn't eaten since before noon and it was almost 7 p.m.
"Are you sure?" I asked. Again he said no, but remembering some Japanese trivia, I offered him the tangerine one more time. He took it.
In Japan, people usually offer things more than once. This thing could be a material, physical thing, or it can be offering to help someone with something. The old tradition was that the offer was extended three times, declined twice and accepted on the third offer. This tradition is dying out somewhat with the younger generation, but I have encountered it here and there.
I took some time to explain to Fred that if an American offers you something, you'd better take it the first time, because there isn't likely to be a second offer, not because we're stingy or rude, but because we expect you to say how you feel. I told him that a young Japanese woman had told me she was lamenting the fact that the American boy that she liked wasn't calling her anymore. I asked her to explain the situation to me. She said that the American boy asked her if she liked him and she said "Only as a friend." The American boy had confessed to her his "more than friends" feeling, but the Japanese girl denied the fact that she was indeed feeling the same way. She was expecting the American boy to keep asking/pursuing her at least two more times because that's what the Japanese men do (they know their women, you see). I told her that the American boy was probably fishing in other waters right now and wouldn't likely be back after she rejected his first offer. She was very surprised.
I try to keep this in mind as I go about my life here in Japan and always extend my offer of assistance or food etc. more than once.
As for Fred? . . .
The next day I had some chocolate and I asked Fred if he wanted some. You know what? I didn't have to ask twice.