View from an Impressionist
...written on 08.01.03, @ 11:00 p.m.
Fri August 1, 2003
Last Sunday, my 4th floor neighbor, Ms. Matsuoka and I went to Kaneyama to visit the Nagoya Boston Art Museum. The main temporary exhibit housed works by various Impressionists. My mother likes this art style.
Ms. Matsuoka said that we should split up and take the exhibit at our own pace. I was happy to do this, for while my mother may be a fan, I wasn't particularly interested and barrelled through until just at the very end of the exhibit.
It wasn't a particular painting that stopped me in my tracks, I just began ruminating on the application of the impressionist technique to my own life. I thought about this diary and my writing style.
Sometimes I faithfully relate the details of my experiences, but there are other times when I take "impressionistic license". For example, in my "Backsliding" entry, I think perhaps I painted a rather bleak and depressing picture. While the night didn't end on that note (or carry over to subsequent days), I wanted to capture that particular moment and highlight it.
Yes, it happened and it did hurt. And this week we have worked through it. I told Min that I didn't need any pronouncements of love or commitment, that I just wanted honesty, to be "not blind" as he says.
For me, love is not a competition. Love is not dependent on whether it is requited or not. Love is not finite. For me, love is unconditional positive regard: I love you for who you are, not for who you have the potential of becoming. Love is now, not later. Love is respect and support.
Min asked me about my weak points the other day. He's seen a couple of them in action, but he wanted my point of view on some others. However, when I've told him certain things, like when my foot has fallen asleep, or show him my latest bruise acquired from a rough and tumble class, he'll immediately grab the sleepy appendage and shake and mash it to an inch of my life or lick his knuckle and place it on my bruise for a little wind-up.
Would that not make you loathe to divulge your Achilles' heels? However, I can see merit in his joshful proddings and quickly confessed to some rather big issues, those self same issues that I was worried about not having discovered for a while. I want them out in the open where we can both work on them. That way I can continue to love from a point of strength and be "not blind".
So, we have started on the path again. We want to do more things together, share more of our lives with each other. Min has said he wants to learn more about my gentle nature. I want him to teach me how to dream.