A Japanese Wedding
...written on 05.22.03, @ 8:40 a.m.
Thu May 22, 2003
My friend (and Japanese teacher) Takako came to get me to take me to her house for lunch. She lives in the childhood house of her husband. His mother lives with them (as is the custom of first-born sons in Japan). His father died of liver cancer about nine years ago.
Takako pulled out some old family albums that included pictures of her wedding. She met her husband when they worked at the same office in Tokyo. I asked her about how she felt that day and her comment was "heavy" as she pointed to the red and gold kimono flocked with the symbols of fidelity, Japanese cranes, and the black lacquered wig on her head. I noticed very few pictures where anyone was smiling. Takako said that nowadays folks are loosening up a bit, but back then it was an affair to be taken seriously.
She showed me the three wedding garments that she wore (all were rented). The white Japanese kimono includes a white cap that by tradition hides the "horns of jealousy" on a woman's head. The western-style wedding dress has also become a Japanese wedding must-have. I told her something I read in the newspaper about one rather famous bride undergoing 14 changes of clothes in her ceremony and reception and how she managed to pass-out during costume change #11, but recuperated enough to finish out the Cinderella moments.
The new couple is usually sponsored by an older married couple (kind of like Godparents) that try to maintain a stabilizing influence in the new couple's life. Wedding guests give money (US $300 or more) in special envelopes and are treated to a glorious feast and many often elaborate wedding souvenirs. I've never been to a Japanese wedding, so I took some pictures of her pictures with my digital camera.
I also saw pictures of her older daughter when she was a baby, then at three and then at seven. Can you see that she is wearing the same kimono?
At least in this area of the country, the tradition is to use the same kimono for the important ages for a girl (3 and 7). The kimono is merely folded over and sewn up to be let down as the girl grows. Reasons for this are that kimonos are very expensive and not worn so often these days. A young girl may wear one only three times a year (New Year's Day, Doll's Day-March 3, and sometime in November).
As Takako was cooking the spaghetti, I was arranging the frozen strawberries, bananas and chocolate covered vanilla bon-bons in shallow dessert bowls. When all was done cooking and was eaten, we embarked on a talk-fest.
Takako seemed very relaxed in her own environment, so I let her do all of the talking. She explained much about the trials and tribulations of being a Japanese housewife, mother and entrepreneur (she also gives group and private study lessons in English). I listened mostly, gently guiding with questions and supporting her past and present emotions. It was enlightening and very special as well. Takako has helped me in many ways and I treasure her friendship.
She took me home after lunch so I could hurry off to work. Min was in a cherry picker doing metal work on the side of the apartment building.
He had to finish it all by the end of today. He stopped the machine so we didn't have to talk over the noise and I told him I enjoyed the videos he lent me, and that I liked "Tender Mercies" with Robert Duvall the best. Min said that one was in his top five.
Classes went well today too, and the weather was marvelous, so it was definitely a cool day.
Ok, it's around 1 am. I have a coffee shop date with the other American teachers early tomorrow. I am going to show them a quaint new place. Oyasumi!