Light a fire
...written on 01.10.05, @ 9:12 a.m.
It's amazing to me how time flies and how I flinch everytime when I see Diaryland's "It's been 78 or whatever days since you updated you lazy slug" reminder.
It's not like nothing's going on. It's not like the world isn't missing over 160,000 people or has welcomed how many more new ones, or that my life is devoid of action or noteworthiness.
Perhaps it is my struggle with the concept of what is noteworthy. How do my thoughts, desires, actions, deeds, weigh in compared to the other enormities of the world?
I feel I have no right to complain. What I face everyday so far is nothing compared to what happens elsewhere. . .
I guess I feel small sometimes. It's relative though, isn't it? Like I said, my life hasn't stopped in these 78 days, I've had classes, parties, trips to romantic places, trips to the library, trips to the movies, I've cuddled, laughed, cried, planned and dreamed. And in another 78 days, not having written any of it down, it will most all be forgotten. And any wit, humor, learning, enlightenment, entertainment, disappointment, that you may have experienced by reading my accounts will be . . . what? I don't know how to finish that sentence, do you?
I guess that's the point of a journal though isn't it? It's a tale of your OWN life. "What Luna Sees: Tales of Kim's Life in Japan". Gosh, that seems like a clear enough title. Why has it been so hard lately to pen my thoughts, my happiness, my struggles with the big and small (to me) things in my world?
I'm searching for my inner fire. That's the problem though, I'm SEARCHING for it rather than MAKING it. I've been waiting for it to come to me and that's not going to happen. What's it going to take? What do I have to do?