Limbo Released
...written on 04.21.03, @ 2:37 a.m.
Mon April 21, 2003
I saw the shadow pass in front of my window and hurriedly ran a hand through my hair just right before I heard the knock on my door.
It was Min and I greeted him with a sparkling eyed smile that electrified him (at least that's what he said, and I believed him). I asked him to come in and sit down in my tatami room as I made some coffee.
He was curious about all the Sandylion stickers I had and I explained that I had been using them to decorate construction paper eggs in most of my little kids classes. I urged him to create one as he chatted to me through the opening in the doors separating the tatami room from the kitchen (my friend Erin said they reminded her of doors used to stage a play that you could slide hither and yon).
I plunked down with the tray and coffee as Min was deliberating over the next image to put on his midnight blue egg that had taken on an outer space motif with planets and stars.
Min started slapping his back and asked me to give him a massage. I told him I had to change shirts as I was hot as it was (he made me turn off the fan) and I knew that I'd work up a sweat doing that kind of body work.
I put on Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and got Min comfortable as I straddled him on the tatami floor. and gave him a good rub down.
Afterwards I laid down beside him and we engaged in one of our favorite pastimes . . . talking. He got me on the friends issue again and I said that I didn't really want a lot of friends, that I preferred to have a couple of close friends to share fun and deep stuff with and I told him that I had two such friends in America, in different states and that I had two here in Japan.
He asked me who those two were and I told him my Japanese teacher was one and that he was the other. He was surprised and asked how that could be if he couldn't speak English very well.
I had been intent on watching his face and his gestures, the way his eyebrows furrow and his lips purse, the way his hair slinks down over his forehead, and I felt such an intense feeling of happiness and love for this man who is creative, intuitive, sensitive, warm, spontaneous, and without guile and I grabbed his hand, choking back my tears and said "Min, you can communicate without words." He asked me why I was crying and it took me a minute, but I told him that I had decided to leave Japan at the end of my current contract in October.
We talked about this some more and upon both of us feeling stabs of hunger, I offered to order pizza and bring it over to his place as he suggested. The pizza was huge and tasty. Min didn't like the Italian tomato salad dressing, preferring the Japanese wafu dressing, so I took over the salad at that point. He ate the majority of the hash brown potato sticks and swigged it all down with Ginger Ale and Coke.
After lunch he proclaimed that he had cabin fever and wanted to go see a movie, so we climbed in his car and went to Riverside Mall to watch Chicago. It was rainy today so the Mall was super crowded.
We had an hour and a half to wait, so we went to a coffee shop and had something to drink to accompany our conversation on freedom, love and control. He was saying that he couldn't understand why a woman friend of his was submitting herself to domination by her husband. I tried to explain the self esteem issues involved through my own example with my ex. After hearing some of my stories and explanations, Min took my hand, looked into my eyes and said he was sorry for all the pain that I went through.
When the movie time came along, I was surprised to see few people in the theatre. Min usually sleeps through movies and this one was no exception. I enjoyed it though, especially when he let his head rest on my shoulder.
When the movie was over and we were walking in the misty haze outside, Min pointed to the multicolored ferris wheel with red and yellow alternating carriages and said "Let's go!". He put 1000 yen into the ticket machine and we gave them to the attendant who then locked us in a red carriage complete with piped in pop music. I never knew that the ferris wheel was even operational due to its snail's pace, and sure enough, it took us about 15 minutes to make a full round, giving us a foggy view of the neon lights of neighboring pachinko parlors and shopping centers.
My mind was furiously trying to burn all of the events onto my brain's cd. I think this is the first time in my life that I've actually thought about making a conscious effort to remember. There is an endpoint now and I don't want to forget my journey there.