How Am I Coping?
...written on 08.25.09, @ 12:13 p.m.

I've been asked how I've been coping . . .

Oh yes, it was so hard seeing a once vibrant, human being reduced to a lifeless shell. Min was skin and bones. His once plump, luscious lips were thin, taut and purple hued. I shook my head at the contrast, thinking 'That is NOT Min.' So I turned to the flowers in the room, 'Ah, Min was here. He's painted those flowers that smell so nice and look so fresh.' I saw the bamboo outside. 'Why Min, you're making the bamboo wriggle with your soul wind, just like the song you wrote.' I heard the sky's thunder, 'Now Min, you've got a band and you're making music like you always loved to do.' I know Min has burst into a gazillion pieces and can manifest himself anytime and everywhere I am.

I've had two or three major crying jags at home. I listen to Min's music CD everyday. I have put pictures over the sink, so I see him every day. I can feel him everywhere and every day I can touch something that he's made (my front door), or painted (my apartment and many things in our bldg.).

I still watch my thoughts. I know from whence my sadness comes and I gently question it and it goes away for awhile. I look forward to it coming back, so I can again deal with it. Letting off steam is necessary for me in this journey. That is how I'm coping.

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